Love Letter

This is a journal entry from the summer that I really felt like I needed to type up, to be reminded of the Lord's goodness, faithfulness, and love.

July 10, 2009

You are faithful. No matter what's going on in my life, whether I feel like it or not, You are there to comfort me and uphold me with Your righteous right hand. I've seen it again and again. You've been faithful in SO many ways; You are surely just as faithful now. And You are so strong. Stronger than anything I'll ever come up against and fighting on my behalf as you teach me to stand. You never change, never give up, never falter, never change Your mind. You're always good, always loving, always pure, always wise. Your ways are so much higher than my ways. I can't even begin to comprehend how different Your thoughts are from my own. Your plan is not just better than mine; it's perfect. And it's always for my good and the good of those who love You. And You love us! You love me. Because of that love, that overwhelming, exuberant, unquenchable, love, You've taught us how to love You back. And even though I'm not very good at it - I walk in disobedience and anger and turn my back on You on a regular basis - You never walk away, but remain steady, reaching out in love, ready to surround me in Your perfect peace.
That's another thing. What would life be without You? Lord, You fill my life with joy that transcends circumstance, with hope that keeps me going, with peace that surpasses all understanding. Everything good in life comes from You. Everything. Friendships, victory, excitement, watermelon... You are the definition of good. You are everything I could ever hope for or dream of, and I long for You. My life is nothing without Your hand to hold, Your smile to seek, Your words to hang onto. So easily I forget that and get frustrated at You, but I couldn't stop loving You if I tried. You love me too much for that. You are the only good, the only life or purpose or truth. O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer, You are everything.

I put a song in your heart and a dance in your step. I've given you that smile on your face, and that musical laughter. You are My beloved. Do you not know that I dance over you with all My heart? All of heaven rejoices over you! How can you think you aren't good enough when you've seen My goodness, and My Spirit lives inside of you? Trust in Me, beloved. Believe what I tell you, and run after Me. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good, and you can't mess them up. So seek Me. You will find Me. I long to draw near to you. Ask Me for wisdom and you shall have it. I know you are confused about the gifts I have given you, but I assure you I know what I'm doing. I do nothing without reason. Trust Me. Though you don't know what trust looks like, trust Me. I know all you need. Let Me be your strength. Let Me.

But Lord, how can I believe You when I don't believe I can really listen to what You have to say? When I don't really think I can ever be good enough to be at that place with You? When I let myself believe those lies, though I know they are lies, and run away instead of fight?

DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT I KNIT YOU TOGETHER IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB? Kelsey, I know who you are. You are mine. I MADE you. I don't have any illusions about who you are and who I created you to be, who I know you can be and who I am leading you into. That's why I want you to trust Me. These struggles are for your growth. Even though they hurt, you're going to come out of them stronger and more in love with Me. I'm teaching you to have a greater understanding of My love for you. Nothing worth learning is ever easy. Remember how frustrated you would get with physics? You thought you would never understand some of it, but you did, didn't you? Now I know you love Me far more than any physics problem. I know you won't give up. Follow Me. Trust Me. You do make Me smile when you persevere. Believe it! You're not a failure. I love your faith that I will always provide. I love your willingness to endure when you don't know why. I love the joy you cling to, My joy, in the midst of sorrow. My love is written all over your life. Don't ever forget it. And don't ever think I'm going to stop there.